Joop and Harry in Taveerne de Zwarte Weduwe

The Black Widow has been a well known concept for ages. Many women have been named the Black Widow: the most recent of which I can tell is Debby Jellinsky.

But in Cuntland has lived a Black Widow, who stangely enough looks quite like our queen (NOT to be mistaken for her) and she is probably the eldest inhabitant of our cuntry. The legend about her and her haunted tavern has been told for centuries, scaring the young ones who thought it to be a campfire tale, 'cause no one has heared about her for ages..

Untill now in 2007 around the 13th of October cunts all over the cuntry and beyond on other isles got a very disturbing invitation for Hallowe'en. The Haunted Tavern has been re-opened with the Black Widow as it's hostess again!!!

The legend came back to life again and the truth be told for anyone from other shores to know about..before they go to this seemingly harmless Hallowe'en party..

Countess Bathory and the Black Widow in the year 500.

The Black Widow hasn't always been a cruel cunt like we remember her. In medieval times she and her sister Countess Bathory were wandering warrior cunts with great bow skills. Around the 13th century she settled in Cuntland then known by the name of Angelica.

William Wallace of Ellerslie 1306 (yeah, he didn't die..)

The charming and hospitable type,keeper of a warm and cosy Tavern where Dicks and Cunts liked to drink together and even foreigners were welcome. With the immigrants of Scotland and Ireland she gained a great deal of regulars. By the end of the Dark Ages she had become a well known hostess and a prominent inhabitant of Cuntland.

Angelica in her glory days

But then, in 1606, yes, the exactly a year before Calpurnia Addams died and just before the War, something awfull happened. Her lover, a good warrior from Dickland, fell for the spell of an Avalon witch. He broke Angelica's heart and sailed of with the Avalon hag. The war on Avalon started, but Angelica's heart never recovered. The anger she held for her former lover drove her insane and turned in to a brutal curse she casted upon herself making her the most heartless menkiller ever known.

She re-opened the Tavern, giving it a new name: Taveerne de Zwarte Weduwe.
With her good looks she became a traiturous being for the weak men. The Dicks of course didn't fall for it after what they'd seen with Avalon, but foreigners and sailors all went for it, thinking they had reached a brothel.

Just before the Grand Re-Opening in 1607.

Angelica would seduce the men one by one and kill them after closing time. Feeding on their flesh to remain immortal and burriyng them the same night in the garden surrounding her tavern. The garden once descibed by a great novellist from New-Dickland, when he got lost there while trying to write down the legend:

'Wickedly possessed in a frightening labyrinth of an eerie graveyard belonging to the terror tavern on the haunted hill...'

It will not surprise you that this is the only part of the novel ever found..and the last thing he had ever written..
It was the Black Widow who found it in her graveyard and by a way of sick humor had it printed..on her Hallowe'en invitation this year!

The tavern became a dark and frightning place and was used for all sorts of evil feasts, the most known being the party she threw for her best friend Angelina on the eve of Hallowe'en:

Angel's Devil's Night on Octobre 30th 1666.

Angelica's best friend Angelina

Later, Bloody Lies came over from New- Cuntland and worked for her, the Widow's pride, but she got lost since she had gone to the great World Exhibition in Paris in 1900..not to be seen back untill a band in Cuntland was formed: Kanslös. But that's a different story all together..

Bloody Lies in her tavern days

Lucifer, the Widow's collaborator, became a good customer and would sit in the back, in the dark, smoking his weird herbes and grinning whenever another fool would fall for the Widow's looks and ladylike charms. His pagan knights sitting at the bar and drinking to the death of all men and to the beauty of Bloody Lies.

Lucifer telling campire tales on the South Shore around 715 b.C.

(yes, in Cuntland we have always had bicycles: really, it isn't that hard to invent!)
And the Pagan Knights 715 b.C. (still alive), the only ones able to listen to the whole campfire tales.

Victim No. 100, Knarf, had an akward effect on the curse: he didn't die. He crawled back out of the grave, but kept on rotting. The Widow in furious anger exiled him and now he lives on as a wanderer, known as

Rotting Knarf

.

Rotting Knarf just after he crawled out of the grave.

From that moment on her curse grew weird and she discovered that her victims wouldn't die anymore; her regulars Joop and Hallowe'en Harry also kept on living, although they did rot.

Lucifer, the Black Widow, Joop and Hallowe'en Harry in 1806

Eventually they became two beerdrinking skeletons, which made them great friends of Lucifer, who recuited them for the alcohol department of the Army of Darkness.

Lucifer and Hallowe'en Harry 1840

The latest customer the Tavern gained was Mi Capone, who wasn't scared of the devil and who both drank in the Tavern and exported the Cuntland booze to The America's during the dry period..But that period only lasted for a while and Mi went back to her mainland, never to return.

Mi Capone in 1920.

After that..the lights in the tavern didn't light up at night anymore and everyone forgot about the tavern, except for the spiders of Cuntland...
Untill now. Exactly four hundred years after the re-opening and rumor has it that the sign hangs out again.. and Luciferwill be there as a special guest..